


The Things You Find on the Path

by GonewithFantasy



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier | Dandelion Loves Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Young Jaskier | Dandelion, because these were different times you know, neither of them has ever heard about anorexia, traveling on the path, use of Axii
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:48:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29090805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GonewithFantasy/pseuds/GonewithFantasy
Summary: Jaskier is a young bard, fresh out of university, when he decides to accompany Geralt on the path.Unfortunately, he somehow developed a habit of skipping meals/not eating enough that he isn't even aware of himself. Will Geralt notice and help him before it's too late?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 7
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write this fic so badly, even though I know that the combination of eating disorder and medieval witcher world (with its different ideals of beauty) doesn't make a lot of sense. So I tried to mix it together in the best way I could to make it at least a little bit believable. :D I must admit though, it still feels a little out of place (/pointless), even to me...well, at least I tried. ^^

Jaskier had just graduated from the university of Oxenfurt when he met Geralt and decided to follow the witcher around to find some inspiration for his poems and songs.  
The young bard had finished at the top of his class with summa cum laude and he'd worked hard for it. It had been a really stressful time because he had put a lot of pressure on himself during the exams. It had been around the last six months when he had started skipping meals. At first he had simply lacked the time or just forgotten to eat now and then. No big deal and not that unusual. But then he'd discovered that he somehow felt like he was stronger for not eating as much as his fellow students. And so he started skipping meals on purpose.

He couldn't quite explain it himself, but it gave him a sense of superiority and pride. It made him feel good, kept him motivated and...it was strangely thrilling. It even saved him some coin which was a nice side-effect, even though he technically wasn't short on coin at all. And the best thing was that skipping meals wasn't even that hard, it came almost naturally to him. Of course, he ate when he was hungry...except soon, he almost never felt hungry anymore.  
  
When he joined Geralt to accompany him on the path, he stuck to his habit without even thinking about it. On their first evening, Geralt had filled up two bowls with stew. He had handed one over to the young bard, who had given the bowl a surprised look. Then they had started eating. Well, Geralt had started eating while Jaskier had mostly moved the stew around in his bowl with his spoon while chattering happily. After eating maybe a quarter of it, he'd put his bowl down and pushed it away.  
The next evening, Geralt gave him a smaller portion of stew. When Jaskier was done, there was still a good amount left in the bowl. After that day, Geralt simply left it to Jaskier to fill his own bowl as he obviously wasn't capable of estimating how much the bard could eat.  
  
The witcher didn't pay much attention to Jaskier's eating habits. Maybe a human his size didn't really need that much. He frowned when the bard didn't even complain about them sometimes skipping dinner whenever Geralt returned from a hunt in the middle of the night. But he was glad about it, as all he wanted to do was crawl into his bedroll and sleep on nights like these.  
  
It took Geralt about three weeks of travelling with the young man to finally realize that something was wrong. Jaskier had grown a lot more quiet, especially during the third week, and he always seemed to be exhausted, even though he tried his best to not let it show. But that wasn't what raised the witcher's suspicions.

One morning, Geralt watched Jaskier bathe in a nearby river. He gulped when he realized that he could count every single one of the bard's ribs. Moreover his hipbones were sticking out in a way that looked definitely more starved than attractive.

"Boy, you're thin! No wonder with how little you're eating," Geralt exclaimed.

Jaskier turned around and Geralt could see that he'd startled him. But then a happy smile appeared on the bard's lips like Geralt had just complimented him. The witcher was confused, thinking the young man was trying to hide something from him.

"Umm, Jaskier, are you sick?" he inquired.

The bard gave him a truly surprised look. "No, I feel fine. Why?"

"Because I've seen beggars with more fat on them than you," Geralt replied.

"Oh...well, I guess I'm just naturally thin." Jaskier shrugged and smiled again.

Geralt raised an eyebrow but he decided to leave it at that because he assumed that no one would starve themself on purpose when there was enough food around.  
  
But soon it got to the point where Jaskier failed to walk for more than an hour without taking a break. He had tied his lute to Roach's saddle, even the light weight of his instrument seemed to be too much for him to carry. Geralt tried to let him get more rest than usual, hoping it would help the young bard to get better again. Unfortunetaly, it only seemed to get worse.

One evening, when the setting sun was bathing the trees in its warm glow, Geralt heard a loud thud coming from place where Jaskier was standing. He jerked his head to discover that the bard's legs had simply given out. He was just lying there for a moment and Geralt rushed over to him. Jaskier stirred and blinked in confusion. Then he apparently managed to piece together what had happened and hurried to get up. "Oh, well, I really seem to be in need of a nap," he laughed nervously and started to head for his bedroll.

Geralt extended his hand to stop him. "Jaskier, you just passed out on me."

"What? No, I just tripped, I told you, I'm really tired, it's nothing...," Jaskier rambled, holding up his own hands in defense.

Geralt frowned. Now that he thought about it, he couldn't even recall whether his companion had eaten anything at all for breakfast...or for lunch. _Shit._ "Alright, I'm gonna catch us something for dinner, do you think I can leave you alone right now?"

"Sure, why couldn't you?" Jaskier asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

Geralt shook his head and went off into the woods. He hated to leave the young man alone right now. He had developed a strange sense of responsibility regarding him and even if he didn't like to admit it, he'd started to appreciate his company. He liked how cheerful and enthusiastic Jaskier was around him and how he was starting to get fluent in reading Geralt's 'hmms', never minding this kind of communication at all. Suddenly, Geralt realized just _how_ quiet Jaskier had gotten lately. He sighed and hurried to find some game that might serve as their dinner.

Soon, Geralt returned with some prepaired meat. He cooked it and gave Jaskier a nod when it was ready.

The young bard shook his head. "No thanks, I'm good," he said with a happy smile.

That was the point where Geralt started to get seriously worried. "Aren't you hungry?" he asked incredulously.

Jaskier's smile widened. "Nope," he replied lightly and stretched.

Geralt's eyes went wide. "You're starving."

The bard laughed like he had just listened to a joke. Geralt leaned over and grabbed Jaskier by his shoulders, staring into his eyes. He tried not to think about the way he could feel the young man's bones under his doublet. "Jaskier, something's wrong with you."

Jaskier was confused. "What do you mean?" he asked with slight indignation.

"You don't eat enough," Geralt answered firmly. "Hell, today you didn't eat anything at all. You can't even carry your own lute. You just passed out on me."

Jaskier frowned, trying to recall a thing he had eaten that day in order to prove the witcher wrong. He came up with nothing.

Geralt sighed. "You don't even realize it, do you?" He hesitated but then he continued. "If you keep this up...I'm afraid I might lose you." Suddenly Jaskier felt himself being pulled into a gentle hug and he was completely surprised at the witcher's uncharacteristic display of affection.  
  
Geralt ran a hand over Jaskier's side and Jaskier realized how it touched every single one of his ribs. Then he thought about how loose his pants had gotten around his hips lately and he couldn't suppress a shiver.

"You won't lose me," he whispered, "I'm fine."

To prove it, he helped himself to a thick slice of meat, cut off a large piece and put it into his mouth. Then he chewed. And chewed...and chewed. The morsel seemed to multiply in his mouth and he felt like he really didn't want to swallow it. It felt too heavy, like it was just too much. Geralt watched him the whole time which somehow made it worse.

Suddenly Jaskier felt himself getting really anxious for a reason he couldn't quite put into words. He knew he was about to gag, so he quickly jumped up, mumbling that he had to take a leak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two of this story will follow soon, kudos and comments are appreciated. :)


	2. Chapter 2

When Jaskier returned, he looked a little shaken. He hadn't thrown up, just spit out his mouthful of meat, but he had absolutely no idea what had just happened. Where had that sudden rush of anxiety come from? He cut off a second, smaller piece of meat when suddenly his anxiety returned, forcing him to put his fork back down on the plate. He swallowed nervously.

Geralt glanced at him. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, clearly in an attempt to comfort him as he already knew that the bard was anything but fine.

"Yes," Jaskier answered, avoiding Geralt's gaze.

"Then please try and eat something," Geralt coaxed. Jaskier gave his plate a long look, trying really hard to make himself take another bite. He winced. "I can't... Shit, I guess I'm not okay." The young bard pulled his knees up to his chest and clenched his hands.

Geralt gave him a sympathetic look. "Can you explain to me what keeps you from eating?" he asked gently.

Jaskier shrugged. "I don't really know. I just feel better when I don't eat."

Geralt tilted his head, thinking about Jaskier's words. "What do you feel when you try to eat this?" He nodded towards the slice of meat on Jaskier's plate.

Jaskier fidgeted. "It... it feels gross, like it would be way too much for my stomach. I want to feel light and not...stuffed."

"One bite of this makes you feel stuffed?" Geralt asked incredulously.

"Umm...yes?" Jaskier sighed. "...I know that this isn't normal," he admitted, running his fingers over the hem of his chemise.

"Do you remember when this has started?"

"Well, at university I started skipping meals sometimes and...it's strange but it felt really good. Like I was better than the others, more disciplined..."

The witcher gave him a surprised look. "So you're saying this isn't a physical problem?"

"Well, I did it on purpose at first but now...shit, now I feel like I can't control it anymore." Jaskier blushed and he sounded really desperate. "Geralt, I don't want you to lose me. I don't want to die. Please help me..." Tears were glistening in his eyes.  
  
"Hmm. What would you want me to do?" Geralt was glad that his companion had finally accepted that he had a problem. And that he was asking him for help. Even though he had no idea how to actually help the young man. He had never heard of something like that before and neither had Jaskier.

"Could you...use Axii on me to make me eat?" Jaskier asked reluctantly. He cast his eyes down. "I trust you and besides...I'm afraid it's our only option."

Geralt thought about it for a moment. He sighed when he came to the same conclusion as Jaskier. "Yes, I guess I could do that." He added two extra slices of bread which made for a perfectly manageable ration in his mind. "Alright, ready? The sooner we start the better."

Jaskier looked scared for a second but then he nodded. Geralt lifted his hand to cast the sign. "You will eat what's on your plate," he said while moving his hand through the air.  
Jaskier's eyes glazed over, he took his fork in his hand and then he started eating. Cut, chew, swallow and repeat. Until the meat was gone. Then Jaskier proceeded with the bread. He ate it like he didn't taste a thing and he probably didn't, but at least he didn't seem to fight it.  
  
Geralt hated that look on people who were under the influence of Axii, especially on people that were dear to him. He hated how they appeared to be entirely stripped of their own free will, only a shell, lacking any kind of personality. He was glad when Jaskier was done with his meal and his gaze cleared again. He looked surprised when he saw the empty plate and for a second he seemed proud. Then he clasped a hand over his mouth and started retching. He managed to get up and walk a few steps until he doubled over and emptied his stomach.

" _Shit_ ," he cursed.

Geralt was at his side in an instant. He looked miserable. "Jaskier, I'm so sorry..."

The bard wiped his mouth and shivered. "It... it's okay, I just think that it was too much."

"Too much? That was a perfectly normal meal!" The witcher couldn't understand it.

Jaskier smiled weakly. "I guess I'm just not used to it anymore."

Geralt pressed his lips together in a tight light. He hadn't realized that it had gotten this bad. How could he not have noticed that? The boy was about to starve and he had just ignored it. "Alright, come on. You take a little break and then we try again."

Jaskier hugged himself and Geralt couldn't help but notice how fragile he looked.  
This time, he let Jaskier decide how much he would be able to manage. The bard cut off a slice that was much, much smaller than the previous one and took a pass on the bread. He glanced at the witcher. "Umm, sorry."

Geralt raised his eyebrows. "Why would you apologize for that?"

Jaskier shrugged. Then Geralt axiied him again, but this time he told him to take it slow and pay attention to the taste. When Jaskier was done and the sign stopped working on him, he grimaced.

"What is it?" Geralt asked, alarmed that the bard might have to throw up again. But Jaskier didn't. 

"Why did you make me pay attention to the taste? I don't like that."

"You don't like the taste of meat?" Geralt was baffled.

"No, umm...the taste of food. It's feels wrong that it tastes good."

"What? Why would that feel wrong? Remember that disgusting stew we had at that one inn? _That_ felt wrong."

Jaskier just gave him an empty stare.

"Oh right, you didn't have any of that either," the witcher remembered and sighed, once again reminded of how he'd just ignored the signs.

The next day, the sun kept rising but Geralt didn't pack up their things to travel on as he usually did. Jaskier shot him a questioning look. "We'll stay here for a few days," the witcher explained.

"Umm, why?" Jaskier asked.

"Isn't that obvious? You're in absolutely no condition to travel," Geralt replied.

"What? No, now you're exaggerating!" Jaskier exclaimed.

Geralt gave him a long, sad stare and shook his head slowly. "I wish I was."

Jaskier bit his lip. "I don't want to slow you down. Couldn't you just let me ride Roach?"

Geralt shook his head once again. "You need to rest. I'm not gonna put your health at risk any more than I already have."

The bard wanted to pout, but deep down he knew that Geralt was right.

The days passed and Geralt axiied Jaskier every few hours to eat a small portion. Jaskier found that he actually liked being axiied. It was strangely relaxing as there was no point in working himself up over how much or little he was eating when Geralt just made the decision for him. Jaskier was allowed to choose the portion sizes, but Geralt decided on how many portions he had to eat throughout the day.

After four days, Geralt put a bowl filled with vegetable stew down in front of the young bard and told him to eat, without casting the sign. Jaskier blinked a few times in confusion. "Umm, Geralt, haven't you forgotten something?"

"No, it's time that you learn to eat again without someone mind-controlling you."

Jaskier's face fell.

"Come one, just a few bites," Geralt coaxed.

Jaskier sighed but he obliged. Eating without the help of Axii felt strange. But on the other hand, it didn't really matter, the food would end up in his stomach after all, one way or the other, he told himself. He carefully ate a few spoonfuls until he stopped and looked at Geralt expectantly. The witcher nodded and moved his hand, casting the sign.

Over the course of the next few days, the amount of food that Jaskier would eat without being influenced by the sign was gradually increased by Geralt until Jaskier could manage to eat a whole meal without being mind-controlled at all.

Geralt watched with approval as the bubbly energy formerly surrounding Jaskier slowly returned to the bard. His eyes looked brighter and they started traveling again. Geralt even let the young man ride his horse as he didn't want to put the progress he'd made with him at risk. The mare didn't mind, she barely felt the light weight on her back at all.

The weeks passed and Jaskier started to regain his weight. Yet there was still that little, tempting voice in the back of his mind, urging him to skip a meal when Geralt wouldn't look. It told him how good it would feel and that one skipped meal wouldn't harm him, and a part of him wanted to give in.

But then he would always remind himself that the feeling, pleasant and thrilling as it might have been, was also addicting. He remembered how he'd lost control over it without him even noticing if it hadn't been for Geralt. And thankfully, the fear of losing control like that again was enough to keep the voice at bay.

After two months, Jaskier's body had mostly recovered and no one who'd have seen the bard would have guessed his history. Still, the voice inside of Jaskier's head remained. He came to the painful realization that it would possibly never go away again. Like he had gazed into an abyss because he had been curious and careless, only to realize that he could never unlearn what he'd seen there.

But he swore to himself that he would resist the voice, that monster inside of him. He swore that he would fight it, just like his witcher would fight actual monsters. _Wait, HIS witcher?! Oh well..._

Jaskier smiled to himself. Apparently, he'd found more than just some inspiration for his songs and poems on the path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I didn't upset anyone by kind of curing anorexia with Axii or by having Jaskier recovering this quickly. In my mind, there are various reasons why it has worked for him. First, the situation that caused it (stressful exams, pressure to be better than others) is over and travelling with Geralt on the path is pretty much a kind of therapy on its own (because he can't compare himself to others there, it's just him, his music and a little bit of physical exercise).  
> Second, he just didn't get a chance to obsess over it that much. No one knew how to count calories back then, he has no scale to keep track of his weight and no mirror to stare into.  
> And third, once he realized that he had a problem, he was hellbent on fighting it.  
> So yeah, I hope that explains my decision on making him get better this quickly. :)


End file.
